Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Why Roger Ebert Sucks Rant

Because he is a Hollywood corporate whore-bag.
I recently joined netflix, which I love so far. The only bad part I can find is seeing all of the "Roger Ebert recommends" picks. I had been generally unimpressed with his picks (he said Daredevil was "actually pretty good" and gave it four stars) but then I ran across his review of Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. He described it as "a world more complex, more visionary and more entertaining than the first two" and also "not only the best of the three Mad Max movies, but one of the best films of 1985". Don't get me wrong, I like Mad Max III a lot too, but to call it better than Road Warrior is one stupid pick too many. Road Warrior for those of you who don't know is one of the greatest action movies ever made. Not only does it offer some of the best action ever on screen (the chase scene in the tanker truck gets my vote for best chase ever, even better than Bulitt), it also creates the world of the third one. The third movie, although good and entertaining, is kind of a Hollywood remake of the second movie. Everything is done bigger and flashier but it loses the hard gritty edge that Road Warrior possesses. That is why I think Roger Ebert is a Hollywood prostitute.
Its true that some may think that my hatred of Ebert goes deeper than shitty reviews. When I was growing up my father was a movie critic for a local TV station (I'm sure most people bored enough to read this know that already because they know who I am). When I would tell people what my father did they would invariably ask "Is he Ebert?" or even better "which one is the fat one, is he the fat one?" because I was and continue to be of robust stature. Despite this backhanded poke at my love of cheeseburgers and its effect upon my midsection as a youngster I liked Ebert better than his now deceased partner in fame Siskel. Ebert seemed nice and liked more movies than Siskel did. Now I realize the folly of my ways, and regret weasily Siskel's passing because now we are left with an unchecked Ebert and his toady Richard Roper, neither of whom really deserve to review Vern Fonk commercials let alone feature films.

Monday, November 22, 2004

The greatest day ever

I am writing to announce that upon the release of The Return of the King I will be having a one day dork festival where I will watch all three extended versions of the movies IN A ROW! That's right the extreme limit of nerdery. I of course will be dressed as Gandalf for the experience...

Crazy Stuff

So I was driving home the other day on Aurora and these two cops pass me. I, being afraid of the police due to my Garfield education and casual appreciation of gangsta rap, slowed to the speed limit and proceeded cautiously on my way. I then came to the middle of the Aurora bridge and one of the two cops suddenly pulled his car across two lanes of traffic and started motioning people to go around. I as one of the first cars there quickly maneuvered around this obstruction, and tried to see what the problem was.
There was a man standing outside the guard rail of the bridge about twenty yards from the two cop cars, and one of the two cops was approaching him very carefully. I didn't wait and see what happened, although I didn't hear anything on the news about a jumper. It was kinda scary though. I was also quite glad I reached that point when I did because the cop blocked two of three lanes on aurora and it would have been a hell of a traffic jam.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

Los Santos For Life

I think the new game Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas is possibly harmful to me because when I was driving I kind of forgot that one has to stop at red lights until it was almost too late. I also considered beating an old woman with a bat and taking her money.

In all seriousness I think it is good that they made it harder to kill and rob street hookers in this game (they gave them all guns so they can shoot at you) while simultaneously putting them in skimpier clothing. Although that is mitigated by the option in the game of stealing a van and using it to rob people in their sleep. Also you can shoot rival gang members with no legal repercussions, which in all actuality is pretty fun.


This is my rug, ait it purdy Posted by Hello

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Spelling

I find it amusing that the blogger spell checker doesn't recognize the word "blog".

Rugs

So my friend Galen (he also has a blog www.hikes.blogspot.com) has helped me by way of his office mate Julie to find a good eBay seller for Persian rugs. This has become somewhat of a mania for me. The problem with eBay is it is full of maniacs, so the price of the rug I want ends up going up like 200 buck in the last three minutes. This sucks ass. I managed to get two really cheap to begin with, but I would like to get one more really nice one for my living room. But I don't want to pay that much for it, thus the whole eBay thing. This is my conundrum of the day.


This is called a sisiutl. There are many better designs of one out there, but I'm a beginner cut me some slack. Posted by Hello

I.P. Certified Internet Monkey

I have a good job. My job allows me to sit around in my underpants, or sweatpants if its chilly, most of the day. Am I a male model you ask? No nothing like that, I work from home on the internet. I know, you wonder how someone like me could get such a glamorous high profile position. It was simple. My uncle is the boss.

And nopw a public service announcement from the Vehicle Donation Processing Center, Inc. my esteemed employer.

Car Donation is a fast and easy way to get rid of an unwanted vehicle. I encourance anybody who has a complete shitbox to get rid of it by giving it away to a charity. Charity car donation really is a pretty good thing for both you and the charity. Preferably a charity found listed on this web site. Donate a car.


I made this, I'm so freaking awesome! Posted by Hello

One Way Bus to Tukwilla

We don't need a monorail we just need a better bus system. Instead of the busses taking people to and from Tukwilla, they need to just do a one way trip. In fact all the busses need to be rerouted to take people out of Seattle and drop them off in Tukwilla. Then gradually we will have fewer and fewer people in Seattle and that will be awesome. What happens when they get to Tukwilla you ask? That really isn't my concern. I might suggest a free bus Eastern Washington, it really isn't that crowded out there.


Robots are the future

It is time to wake up America and realize that our future is with robots. We need to hand over our failing and corrupt government to the hands of wise and peaceful robots.

The true Failure of the command economy was that it relied on human decisions to set production levels and prices for goods. That was the superiority of the market system, the theory that market forces found efficient equilibrium prices. There was also the problem of human greed and failings in control of a totalitarian system.

This is where the robots come in. By putting super intelligent robot overlords in control of the world we will eliminate the failings of humanity in the system. We will no longer be at the mercy of corrupt corporations, or their puppets the politicians, or even the redneck bumpkins who are deceived into voting for them. Beneficent robots are the future.

I recently discovered in America the Book that others had thought of this theory as well and had decided to make light of it. To them I say that soon you shall know the glory that is the robocracy.

Goddamn it. I just wrote a whole big post about the future belonging to our robot overlords but it got deleted because of stupid windows pop-up blocker. I hate service pack two.